Monday, July 4, 2016

Have You Had The Talk?

Thank you Aimee G. Bartis! Aimee has been on a real writing spree this summer all because of a book she read. "Start" by Jon Acuff.  As a result she has had me thinking about getting back to writing. The difficulty I have had is write about what? 

So the first question I have is have you had the talk with your parents? Many people that I have come to know have lost a parent or both and I have seen the struggles they have gone through. I hate to see people hurting. I wonder if they have had the talk. The talk about what the parents want done as they age? As the parents become disabled? As parents move toward that transitional stage of life from here to there.

My family is fortunate in that we have had the talk with mom and dad and we are pretty much on the same page. I say pretty much because once you get to that point, emotions happen, a lot of emotions. As a result sometimes the thought process can get very skewed. Our dad is 90 and our mom is 89. 10 years ago dad was burned over 45% of his body and all of his burns were third degree. Mom was there by his side as were all of the children. There are 6 of us altogether, three girls and three boys.

Dad is doing well all things considered. He mowed his lawn up until three years ago and had to quit and then he had an aorta valve replaced. Our mom has early onset dementia diagnosed 10 years ago. Two months ago she fell at home and broke her hip. Surgery, rehab for 21 days and she returned home, yet the care she needed was not going to happen at the house as dad was hoping. We put in to place a lot of care and a lot of hours during the day for them both. As we looked, we came to realize that the cost for this care was greater than many, very good facilities.

So we gently began talking with dad about next steps. It wasn't until he had a chance to reconcile the fact that mom will probably not return home from the care facility that he was able to come to terms with the decision. These are not easy decisions, especially when your parents of part of "THAT GENERATION." They can't be made like you make business decisions. I hope you have had the talk. If not, I hope you can initiate it with your parents.

For some of us, mainly talking about myself here, I have had the discussion with my son and also Diane. Yep, I am that old.

So much to learn and so little time.


  1. I'm so proud of you! Especially about such an important topic. It is important to know our loved ones wishes.

  2. "The Talk" should be done for a lot of reasons. Both of my kids have asked about my wishes. How sad would it be to think ones kids did not care about such things. If for no other reason the kids should consider asking and sharing.

    Thanks Paul,


  3. Not only is it important to have the talk, but it is very important for them to have all of their legal papers in order. We realized after Mom died and Billie moved to Oklahoma, that no paperwork had been done and nothing updated for Oklahoma. My sister and I stepped in and everything was taken care of. Two weeks later he fell, so glad he had his medical wishes in place.